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Hornchurch, Essex, United Kingdom
26 year old Theatre Person, who hopes to one day become a fully fledged lighting designer. Currently living and working in Hornchurch at the lovely Queens Theatre (yes i know that implies i live at the theatre, it's meant to).I'm a Traveller of many roads including Canada, Germany and Namibia. I love Reading, Dissecting Films, Writing Plays, Angleing Lights, Levelling Sounds, Creating Photographs (when drunk and sober) Playing Guild Wars/Sims 3 and going out with my friends! I have an unrivalled passion for Kimi Raikkonen and motor sports in general.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Vodka Scooters

Stolen from ScottieMac cos its like so awesome!

The Vodka Scooter... How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard
night drinking and thought, "How on earth did I get home?" As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a "Vodka Scooter". The Vodka Scooter is a mythical
form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine.
The Vodka Scooter works in the following fashion - The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka Scooter. The Scooter
scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as

This answers the second question after a night out, "How did I spend so
much money?" Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought
to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as
bruised legs, stubbed toes, scratched hands and a sore spot on the top of your head.
An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of time segments
during the trip. The nature of Trans-dimensional Portals dictates that time will be
lost, seemingly unaccounted for?

This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell happened?" With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments in Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time. Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom with the wrong person, often with horrific consequences. Vodka Scooters come equipped with Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).

These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the
stairs, you are sure to wake either everyone else in the house or your downstairs
neighbours. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the
house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised
shins. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home
from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit for the ladies or
for the men no jacket. Vodka scooters.........the wonders of modern technology...have you ever had a ride on one??!!

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