SLIGHTLY SMUG POST ALERT

*siren from starlight express*

So then. It's Valentines.

The odd thing is it doesn't really feel like an unusual day, because Monster makes me feel so loved every day that valentines hasn't been any different love levels wise! But I got a beautiful card in which he declares his love (always useful as then i have proof when he's off LARPing) and a lovely trip to ikea and lakeside followed by steak n parmentier potato's!

I also recieved Eddie the Moose and a large fluffy dark pink cushion.

I'm slightly upset that the AMAZING present I've bought him has not yet arrived from America. Stupid America.

But anyway, I am slightly smug because I have the love of the most amazing man in the world who always gives me the first taste of the coke, and listens to me witter endlessly about twaddle.

I hope your sick buckets are not running over.

Hard Core

I am a hard person. Now i dont mean that I am unempathetic or close minded, I simply mean that I've always had a solid core.
Its difficult to explain...
As a child I would try to be "girly" to do what the other girls did (especially my neighbour Francesca) but I would lose interest pretty quickly, and not even notice I had done so. I danced and sang cos I liked it, had an idea I'd like to be a singer, but not because I wanted to be a beautiful starlett adored by men, because I loved to sing and was good at it. I love jewellery but I feel it should be something you're dedicated to, that you wear everyday but have some other bits for special occaisions.
Oddly I've always believed in true love, the chivalry out of teen books like the kind you get in The Song Of The Lioness quartet or any of Tamora Pierce's books, whose writing shapes me every day.
I've always been dedicated to music, to the belief that music shapes who you are so perhaps that's a key part of my solid centre, if I love a band its because they speak to my essence, the stuff that makes me Emily. Maybe that's why through all the tragedy of the 00's I maintained myself.
So when I say I'm hard I merely mean I have a solid sense of self and I have thoroughly no idea where this came from, I'm just me.
Said childhood friend (francesca) asked after me when she met my sister a few years ago and reportedly said something along the lines of "she's always just been her" we hardly spoke past junior school but I was established even then.
Its odd because I so often feel I am so easily influenced by the stories in the world, working in and being fascinated by theatre means I'm around stereotypes every day although they're stereotypes which always subtly break their moulds.
I always seem to believe my life will follow these story lines, I sub consciously trawl through them all when thinking about what will happen next in my life, ultimately landing on the most dramatic (meaning suitable as play material in this case) of these as the foregone conclusion of my circumstance.
Its been a year since I realised my true love was working beside me every day. He makes the fact I am hard make sense and goes some way to soften the sharp edges.